Mother’s Day Stuff….and more!

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Every year as Mother’s day rolls around I am hit with a mix of emotions.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being Mom!  I am happy and my kids are the light of my life…I enjoy them….everyday!

The push is my infertility peeps, those still struggling, ttc (trying to conceive) to build their families, to have another baby, and others who remain childless…not by choice.  A few are the same people who helped me through, that I’m still in contact with…others are all over the internet, and we’re meeting by chance.  A lot of them are hurting…emotionally scarred, and on what I call the infertility rollercoaster from hell.  Been there, done that!  So I know for them, Mother’s day is a painful reminder.  They are not alone.  The internet, FB, and Twitter were overrun with “infertility sucks” this weekend.  And who can blame them.  Lissa  Rankin’s post “For All The Childless Mommies” helped by talking about “you don’t have to conceive to be mommy” and I saw and responded to a tweet about how @OneDayMommy2Be (and I) “spent yrs on bc pills…WHAT a F*#$%^& joke” that was.  In reality, its no joke, and the pain is real.  I remember  it well.  And as much as time has passed and I am mom to 4 beautiful children, I will never forget the dark times of despair, the feeling of helplessness, the miscarriages, lost babies, or the vicious cycles….full of disappointment and loss.  So, if you are one of those who roll out of bed an ooops, I’m pregnant…again…thank your lucky stars!

Yes, my friends are happy for me….and they know that I “moved on” making the difficult decision to abandon hope and to instead adopt.  For me, having my biological mini me, may have made it easier, who knows.  That is their take, not mine!  Its a very personal decision.  Not one made lightly or in haste.  For me, the day I had to look through and pick a sperm donor, was it for me.  I found the perfect one….and within days thought WHAT am I doing???  This is crazy.  He is a stranger!  Who cares what the stupid doctor says!!!  And it all came full circle for me…the banter in your head that goes back and forth, and won’t stop.  Mine was saying, why not adopt one of the thousands of kids already on this planet?!  And so it began.  The adoption journey of a lifetime….and building our family.

As I celebrate with my kids and family today (and every Mother’s Day), there’s a part  of me that can’t help remembering where I came from…and how happy I am to be here….for there was  time I was thinking it would never happen.  And wanting this joy for everyone who has struggled.  That is that part of me wanting to share with my “infertility” friends….what a blessing all of this has been….and how adopting and/or fostering can change their lives forever.  But, there’s the other part of me that says its not my place….or any of my business.  If you know me, this is hard…lol!  However, I need to remind myself of where I was, what mindset I had, and the pain I felt…and that everybody has to move at their own pace, making decisions, and living their lives. 

I just hate to see them in pain, suffering through another Mother’s Day sans children, while there are so many kids in orphanages, and foster care, just waiting for families.  It seems like a no brainer….but it has to happen if/when its right for them.  Ironically, nobody ever talked to me about either of these options……NOT that I would have listened or considered them before my time was right!

So, with that, I will shut up….and say I had a fabulous Mother’s day!  I am blessed.  Sending hugs and Happy Mother’s Day greetings to my mom, all of my friends, my family, and my fellow foster & adoptive moms.  You rock! 

Hope next year our circle of amazing moms will grow even bigger!

Rita

Did you suffer from infertility?  Know anybody that did?  Do you know the emotional toll it can take on a person/couple?  Financial toll?  Have any advice for those suffering with infertility?  Or for me to help spread the message to others about the joy of adopting and how you don’t have to conceive to be mom?!  Or should I just keep quiet?!

About Rita Brennan Freay

The journey of a 1000 miles always ends with a dirty diaper. Headmaster of a self inflicted international preschool & visitor center compassionately changing kids lives, one diaper at a time.
This entry was posted in adoption, fostercare, intercountry adoptions, international adoption and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to Mother’s Day Stuff….and more!

  1. いいと十分立派なコンテンツが直前にコメントを私に強制します。イムは、私の学校の研究の特定の開始を楽しみにして、全体的な準備はあなたのウェブサイトに来ることなく、完全なていなかったでしょう。私は他の人にどのような援助のものとすることができる場合、私は私がここから学んだことを通して助けるために喜んでされることがあります。これは非常にいいアイデアだった

  2. Jillian says:

    In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, trying to make sure my girls get to school on time, eat right, brush their hair and their teeth, not kill each other, etc., I forget sometimes the path we had in creating our family. I was told I’d have no trouble conceiving, but our first took many months (I know, not years). Each month was harder and harder to take, seeing my friends get pregnant, enjoying their growing bellies. Finally, on September 11, 2001, we confirmed we were going to be parents! YAY! Pregnancy was relatively easy, but her delivery almost did me (and her) in.

    When I visited my endo for my thyroid problems, he said I couldn’t get pregnant again. I was thrilled! Guess what? Four months later, I was pregnant. I was thrilled! Rollercoasters…they’re different for everyone but the lurch in the tummy is just the same.

    I am so glad you made your family, and that you are able to help others make theirs. I think with even more exposure, you are blossoming into the Adoption Angel and many many many more people, searching google at four in the morning, will be influenced by your story and your openness.
    xoxo
    Jillian
    http://www.jilliantodd.com
    Jillian Todd Portrait Couture

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Awww, thanks Jillian:) Just saw your post…I’m a little behind…sorry! Appreciate it lots! How funny and ironic your story is….this happens to so many (happened to me too)….there is some truth to if you could just relax…lol! Rollercoasters are not my favorite thing….ever! lol:) Here’s to being googled at 4 in the morning……hehehe:)

  3. Julie Labes says:

    Rita
    My brother and his wife tried for years to conceive and then after many doctor visits and tests it was confirmed they would not be able have a baby by traditional methods. They chose to try IVF and after several failed attempts (and a who lot of money) they finally did get pregnant and my nephew is now aged 8 years old. i do remember the pain and heartache they went trough on this long road and I think if this had failed they too would have adopted. My sister on the other hand has no desire to be a mom. Just goes to show how different we all are. It is such a shame however that for some, they don’t seen to have the choice they want.

    Julie Labes,…The Fierce over 50 feels much younger point and click junkie loves to travel does not use a jogging stroller and before you ask this is NOT my granddaughter..Woman

  4. What a loving post, Rita! I can feel the lows and highs as I read. I know a few women who went through this. One of my clients actually had gone through this several times and that is why she found help. She realized that all the ups and downs, shots and everything put a lot of harm to her body, so we worked together to heal her body as well as her heart so she can have the strength to try again and move forward. Today I can still see the pain in her eyes from this process. Sometimes we want it so bad for it to be our own, but as you found there are other ways and adopting is a beautiful thing. Thanks for writing this beautiful post.

    Alara K. Castell
    Your Sassy Spiritual Guide

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      My heart goes out to your friend/client….the pain in her eyes will go away…as she moves through the process. The pain of it all doesn’t go away overnight, or totally. It is very hard…as you said on the body…I too went for help in homepathy, accupuncture, massage and chiropractor……to get back to normal. It can be a harsh process…..and your body and mind need healing! Of course the laughter of my kids takes it away for me……I feel very lucky! Thank you for sharing…and stopping by!

      • Amaranta says:

        Butternut squash (or burnettut pumpkin) is one of those in-between foods similar to sweet corn, green peas, and snow peas the portion size needs to be limited as it is a source of fructan/GOS (not a HUGE source) but enough to keep the portion small about 1/2 cup serving. So you could enjoy as a small side dish or perhaps topped on a salad or tossed with some rice. I am making coconut rice tonight and will toss in some roasted burnettut squash. GREAT question and I am glad you brought it up. I mention portion size in my recipe but I am sure many possibly missed that detail!

      • Vanessa says:

        The seminar is caleld: Skinny dipping with snapping turtles: Careers in academia . By registering to the event you will be able to listen to the talk, view a0the presentation and have the opportunity to ask questions live. More information on the webinar info page.

      • Mbah says:

        By submitting a cnoemmt you grant The Live Sincerely Project a perpetual license to reproduce your words and name/web site in attribution. Inappropriate and irrelevant cnoemmts will be removed at an admin’s discretion. Your email is used for verification purposes only, it will never be shared.

  5. I was inspired to write a post today about how lucky I was to get pregnant easily despite leaving it until I was 37 to get pregnant. HOWEVER, I knew it could be difficult and I had already decided that I would not go through long and stressful infertility treatment at my age if I couldn’t get pregnant and that I would adopt. I might have gone for IVF etc if I were younger and I feel for anyone who goes that route having known several people who have done but adoption always seemed a great option. I do have a friend in Oz who has had 2 failed attempts at IVF (well she got pregnant and the pregnancy didn’t take) and I love her but can’t quite understand why adoption is not an option for them -I don’t judge them, just don’t understand it. I love what you stand for Rita and know that if I had ended up adopting I would love them just as much as I love my bio kids.
    Louise Edington
    Fearless Over Fifty
    http://louiseedington.com

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      You were a lucky one! Then again, my friend who had problems with having a 2nd…turned up prego at 48…omg! She thought she was in menopause….rofl! She was in shock…and was 5 months pregnant…to the doctors horror!

      Good for you for having made those decisions upfront…it is helpful…and keeps you off the rollercoaster from hell (as I like to call it). Did I say I HATE rollercoasters…lol! Did IVF….(been that done there…lol!) but I remember meeting a woman (as I was there are the crack of dawn for bloodwork…on one of many a sunday!) and she told me don’t give up…this is my 15th time doing IVF….I am sure the look on my face said it all….which is good because I was speechless….and that woman has stayed in my mind ever since…..even though I’ve never seen her again! I can’t imagine…and I pray that she has a child…or 5.

      Adoption must still bring the “failing” feeling to some……its the only way I can rationalize it….wish it were different for as I know first hand…it is life changing…..for both parent and child:) Thanks for sharing your story:)

  6. I’m grateful that I never suffered from infertility. And yes, I’ve known those who did and a very dear friend adopted through foster care. I won’t go into her story. It might scare people off! lol What I do know is the strong pull to be a mother. I had that and so again, I am so grateful for my children. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey. I often don’t understand the very personal choice not to adopt because it would not have been mine. But each person has their journey. I hope your story brings hope to the many out there still struggling. Keep telling it like it is, Rita!

    Susan Berland
    A Picture’s Worth
    http://www.susan-berland.com

  7. Yvonne Hall says:

    You are so thoughtful and so nuturring and so protective of people and their feelings. I think all that you know and encounter feel that. It comes through in your writing even to those of us who have not met you in person. And because of that I think that if you keep writing about the foster/adoption option that when your friends are ready to receive the message they will see it and hear it and it will be received in a loving way just as you are putting it out in a loving way. You can’t help yourself … loving and compassion is just in your blood! And I’m happy and privileged to be a reader and supporter of your work!
    Yvonne Hall
    http://www.yvonneelmhall.wordpress.com

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Thank you Yvonne….for all your support…I really appreciate it! You get me….in a funny strange way…lol! I hope to meet you someday…and swear we are related…somehow! I agree, people need to be ready to hear the message…but I can’t help wanting them to be happy…now…lol!

  8. Pingback: Unique Mothers Day Gifts | Lou Loves Learning

  9. Hi Rita,
    Thank you for sharing and I agree, let’s get those kids adopted! I wish the process was easier in the US…I didn’t have a difficult time getting pregnant and feel for those that do. It always seemed sad to me that some don’t want kids and get pregnant again and again and others ache to have a child and aren’t able. I have just one and although I always thought I’d have more, it seems as though one is enough. Thankfully we have cousins – LOL!
    Brandy Mychals

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Hahaha, believe me….I remember having one and thinking HOW am I doing all of this….then things changed exponentially! Now other people ask me that…lol! Would love to see all the kids in care find forever families!!!

  10. Rita you are a joyful mom who is blessed with a good kind heart. I thought I would never have a child and then one day I was pregnant. I am so grateful for my beautiful girl. Perhaps I would have adopted, if my life had been different, or I had been in a different place mentally. I often thought how wonderful it would be to have a large family. I think that many times we anguish and over think our lives in the moment, and when we look back we wonder why we didn’t do it differently. Brava to you for making a family your way!

    Jennifer Duchene
    Home Makeover Mixtress blending lifestyle laughter and Diva Dens
    http://LYShome.com

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      I never thought I’d have a large family….lol! Be careful what you wish for…you might just get it x3:) I love and adore them all…..and wouldn’t change a thing! I SO agree that we overthink…..way too much! Thanks for your kind words and always making me laugh:)

      • Balachandar says:

        Sarah Palin is a moron. First, she criticizes President Obama for winnatg to try the crotch bomber in a civilian court. Yet, somehow, fails to remember that President Bush pursued the exact same policy with the Shoe Bomber, Richard Reid. What’s more, she somehow fails to even acknowledge that the system the crotch bomber defeated to get inside the airplane was the same system that was adopted by President Bush during the last 8 years since 9/11. So if Sarah wants to criticize someone, why didn’t she criticize President Bush when he was in office? As for criticizing Brennan, Brennan has more knowledge of terrorism, and how to fight it, than Mrs. Palin ever will or could learn in her whole life. That is, if she ever took an interest in learning anything apart from fluffball talking points. I fail to see how her criticism is even valid considering that President Obama had already identified Yemen as a country where the US needed to be more involved prior to the attack, precisely because of the terror threat. Moreover, he has continued a phased withdrawal from Iraq as established by President Bush, and unlike President Bush has sought to focus extensively on Afghanistan to ensure that we have a shot at salvaging what for 8 yrs was a failed strategy. And as for ignoring terrorism, I find it humorous you bring it up considering that George W. Bush’s response to the memo : Bin Laden determined to strike US was to tell Richard Clarke, Ok, you’ve covered your ass, and then went fishing. This, a month before the 9/11 attacks.

      • Rangga says:

        Could you please show women of dienerfft sizes more often. Everyone would like to see more options for people like them-normal. Although I love and admire all of them, almost all your featured models are so terribly thin that their knees and elbows stick out and many have no breasts. Please show some styles with breasts. I’m not FAT, but I’m a size 8-10 with breasts!

        • Awinia says:

          Gestern im Restaurant meiner knlieen Stadt hab ich e4ltere stylische Damen gesehen. Ich traute mich nicht ein Foto zu machen. Aber sie sahen so wunderbar aus wie die Damen hier in diesem Blog. Viele Grfcdfe von der Grauen Maus Cosmee

  11. Pat Zahn says:

    Rita – I was one of those on the outside looking in. It is just so maddening when your body won’t cooperate and you look around and see other women for whom it is “an accident.” (I have upcoming blog about this.) Thankfully, my story ended up lucky having my beautiful daughter. For me, I found the notion of adoption “complicated” and if I had known someone like you who could talk me through it, I might have gone that route. I feel for the ttc and my heart remembers and breaks for them. I have no advice because it is a personal journey for every couple.

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Maddening is a great way to explain it! My heart breaks for them too. Your comment about “if I had known” makes me think I need to talk, keep the lines of communication open, all while respecting its a personal journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your story….I am glad yours turned out beautifully as well:)

      • Kim says:

        dearest gennine,i alayws love your little corners… And am jealous of your ability to keep orchids well. I know that it will differ with environment and such… but what sort of watering schedule and amount of water do you use? Id love it if you could share any advice!

    • Tasha says:

      It is a bit more challenging to do the low FODMAP diet while vegan as many of the beans/legumes are high FODMAP. I would reemomcnd trying tofu, peanut butter and quinoa as good low FODMAP vegan protein sources. Try using canned beans in small amounts and if you soak and drain a few times you will reduce the FODMAP content further as the GOS found in beans are water-soluble so some will leach out into the water and be drained off. From what I understand, small amounts of xantham gum and guar gum are ok but can contribute to gas so go easy with quantity. I hear the new Monash University low FODMAP booklet which should be released soon will include some vegetarian tips so perhaps we will learn more about doing the low FODMAP diet while vegan.

  12. Rita, I love that fact that you still have such a big place in your heart for those who are still walking in your old, abandoned shoes. This makes you such a powerful voice and resource for those who are going through what you once did–and have come out the other side, grinning and grateful. And by using the word “voice,”
    I cast my vote for you to do anything BUT be quiet. When you have been through the fire of an experience, you become a qualified confidant for others, especially since you are clear about not having the answer for them–but available to share your support, knowledge and life experience as needed. It can make such an enormous difference to talk to someone who has been where you are and can shed light that few others can.

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Aww, thank you Maridel…..it means so much and helps me to stay the course…wanting to be a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen….during what can be very difficult times for some. “The fire of the experience”….strikes me…..and hits home the intensity of it ALL. I am so happy to have gotten to the other side….grinning and grateful:) Love that.

  13. Hi Rita – I too struggled with infertility. I was 35 years old when the doctor told me I had a .03% chance of getting pregnant on my own, without the help of science and medicine. We chose a fantastic doctor, and luckily for me, IVF worked the first time. We ended up having twins and I am incredibly thankful.

    I hope you enjoyed your day.
    XO
    Debbie

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Ahh yes, gotta love science:) I did it too….the fun and joy of daily shots and retrevial….lol! Congrats on your twins…its always double the fun…hope you had a great mother’s day!

  14. Hi Rita,
    Thanks for your inspiring message, and congratulations for enjoying your Mother’s Day! With a world filled with children looking for parents, and parents looking for children, your message is growing more important every day. Like you say, it sure sounds like a no-brainer for people seeking a family. Keep it up!
    Robbie

  15. I never had biological children and didn’t feel the compelling drive that so many people describe. But I do know that infertility brings considerably pain to people. I would love them to learn what you learned so they could reach out and find the many wonderful children out there. When I married a man with four children–one of whom is adopted–I entered the sometimes-mysterious world of step-motherhood (definitely its own universe!) I love the spirit you bring to your blog and the loving shining through for your children and all the children needing homes.

    Judy Stone-Goldman
    The Reflective Writer
    “My cat owns me, my clutter stymies me, my writing frees me. Word maven loves—and learns from—ordinary life.”
    http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Hehehe, I have a few friends who are step-moms, and they too agree it is a world of its own…lol! I am also hoping many more people enjoy the blessings adoption brings……sooner rather than later:( Thanks for sharing.

  16. Irene Turner says:

    I am not a mother. And, I always thought I would be! The day I woke up at 42 and thought, “well, I guess I missed that one” is still clear in my mind. I had made the conscious decision in my 30’s not to be a single mom, not was I willing to be in a relationship to have children. So, it was an experience I thought I would never have. Trust me, I do understand the pain, my decisions weren’t come to lightly.
    Today, I am married to a fabulous man who has two sons. While I am in no way their step mother (they have a very nice mother thank you!) and they are to old for another, I am an active grandmother to the first of I hope many grandchildren, who lives 10 minutes away! Can I say? It’s great. So, you never know in what form you may experience your dreams…that’s all I can say.

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      This is true! Its funny, growing up, I thought (and said outloud) I would never get married or have kids…and look at me now….which proves your point exactly! You just never know. And hugs for sharing your personal story (which was probably painful at the time) and I appreciate your stopping by and sharing your journey to grandparenthood:) Enjoy every minute!

  17. Yes, it must be hard for those women who really want to hAve children but can’t. I do believe that adoption is a viable option for many of these families. It really can change a child’s life (and the parents)! But, i Understand the biological need as well. It is each person’s journey and it’s good that these women do have options.

    • Rita Brennan Freay says:

      Yes, thank goodness science and medicine have come a looooong way! There are many options these days…life changing indeed:)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *