Every year as Mother’s day rolls around I am hit with a mix of emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I love being Mom! I am happy and my kids are the light of my life…I enjoy them….everyday!
The push is my infertility peeps, those still struggling, ttc (trying to conceive) to build their families, to have another baby, and others who remain childless…not by choice. A few are the same people who helped me through, that I’m still in contact with…others are all over the internet, and we’re meeting by chance. A lot of them are hurting…emotionally scarred, and on what I call the infertility rollercoaster from hell. Been there, done that! So I know for them, Mother’s day is a painful reminder. They are not alone. The internet, FB, and Twitter were overrun with “infertility sucks” this weekend. And who can blame them. Lissa Rankin’s post “For All The Childless Mommies” helped by talking about “you don’t have to conceive to be mommy” and I saw and responded to a tweet about how @OneDayMommy2Be (and I) “spent yrs on bc pills…WHAT a F*#$%^& joke” that was. In reality, its no joke, and the pain is real. I remember it well. And as much as time has passed and I am mom to 4 beautiful children, I will never forget the dark times of despair, the feeling of helplessness, the miscarriages, lost babies, or the vicious cycles….full of disappointment and loss. So, if you are one of those who roll out of bed an ooops, I’m pregnant…again…thank your lucky stars!
Yes, my friends are happy for me….and they know that I “moved on” making the difficult decision to abandon hope and to instead adopt. For me, having my biological mini me, may have made it easier, who knows. That is their take, not mine! Its a very personal decision. Not one made lightly or in haste. For me, the day I had to look through and pick a sperm donor, was it for me. I found the perfect one….and within days thought WHAT am I doing??? This is crazy. He is a stranger! Who cares what the stupid doctor says!!! And it all came full circle for me…the banter in your head that goes back and forth, and won’t stop. Mine was saying, why not adopt one of the thousands of kids already on this planet?! And so it began. The adoption journey of a lifetime….and building our family.
As I celebrate with my kids and family today (and every Mother’s Day), there’s a part of me that can’t help remembering where I came from…and how happy I am to be here….for there was time I was thinking it would never happen. And wanting this joy for everyone who has struggled. That is that part of me wanting to share with my “infertility” friends….what a blessing all of this has been….and how adopting and/or fostering can change their lives forever. But, there’s the other part of me that says its not my place….or any of my business. If you know me, this is hard…lol! However, I need to remind myself of where I was, what mindset I had, and the pain I felt…and that everybody has to move at their own pace, making decisions, and living their lives.
I just hate to see them in pain, suffering through another Mother’s Day sans children, while there are so many kids in orphanages, and foster care, just waiting for families. It seems like a no brainer….but it has to happen if/when its right for them. Ironically, nobody ever talked to me about either of these options……NOT that I would have listened or considered them before my time was right!
So, with that, I will shut up….and say I had a fabulous Mother’s day! I am blessed. Sending hugs and Happy Mother’s Day greetings to my mom, all of my friends, my family, and my fellow foster & adoptive moms. You rock!
Hope next year our circle of amazing moms will grow even bigger!
Did you suffer from infertility? Know anybody that did? Do you know the emotional toll it can take on a person/couple? Financial toll? Have any advice for those suffering with infertility? Or for me to help spread the message to others about the joy of adopting and how you don’t have to conceive to be mom?! Or should I just keep quiet?!